An Unsettling Poem - by Jon

Here I sit before electric light
Baffled and muddled upon this sight
A note of history recorded on my bar
This set my mood and emotion off par
For now I realize, crinkled and tossed
Evidence of self abuse, and something lost
But if incidentally the course and intention untrue
A splash or sputter upon my keyboard it flew
One click on the mouse, one stroke of a key
My flesh now defiled, my spirit debris
And this becomes my realization today:
There is a price when my roommates use my computer to play.

The Game - Ryan's Version

Hey folks,
Just to let you know in advance, this is a post for the guys. Not to exclude the ladies, its just that i cant really give advice to girls, i simply woo them with my inescapable charm. So in short, I thought i would help all you guys out with some indispensable tips on picking up the ladies.

The Problem

Here's a scary fact= Women are getting more powerful, and are almost as equal as us men. If you thought it was scary when they started wearing pants, just think about when they come for our jobs.




Solution:

Some say you should walk over and talk to girls if you like them. Please dont be fooled by this. The girl will eventually find you and be drawn to you. Ideally, you want to look like Aragorn but you have to look at your muscules also. Here is a perfect example of this :



After she is with you, assert your dominance by constantly showing off your power. Hit stuff/people while your walking with her/ Bang a table if your sitting Etc. Also, you should shout abuses at those who you know are weaker than you. This should keep her uncomfortable at the very least, and at most she will already be leaping into your pants. Keep it cool big guy that was a joke.. its not going to be that easy. What you need to do next is what The Game calls a "close".
I know sometimes its hard to break away from the tough guy routine, however to close early you need a good story of how you were abused or you just got out of a tough relationship. This should get her ol' emotions going and your pretty much set.

If that doesent work there is still always a bat and duct tape.

Good luck gents!

4 Writters - by Ryan

We have all talked about how handsome our words are, but how handsome are the men behind these handsome words? Our supporters grow every day, so I thought i would give you all a glimpse behind the everyday masquerade of fantasy and show you every one of us, and perhaps what we do from time to time. Don't worry, the background might be photo shopped but our faces are untouched Michelangelos.
Enjoy

-Ryan

My first post in some time - by Jon

burd turd

Alfred Hitchcock is on to us.
His damn movie has let the humans know how deliciously evil we are.
Our second coming is near.
Our hour is nearly at hand.
Victory is nea...you get the point.

Your fiery boom sticks cant match our sheer numbers once our delicious chicken cousins are freed from your prisons.

And after you are overwhelmed, I cant wait to eat all your eyes...

this is our chant..(final draft still in progress)

bom bom bom
peck peck squish
peck peck squish
eatin your eyes is a mighty fine dish

- Alcoa Albatross ryan


Human attack
- thanks for posting this Calvin Cassowary!
-just loved the part where the human almost died!



Bible THUMPer
- Susan Swan, great neck attack however the human talk is boring, he should be doing more dying than speaking.

Keep up the efforts my friends!

Top ten things I like about revolving doors -- Brody the Writter

10. They allow a greater amount of people to pass through

9. They prevent drafts and isolate noise from entering a building

8. They make your business establishment, or house, look prestigious

7. They attract Japanese tourists and also elderly German ladies

6. If you decide not to exit at the other end, and continue to walk in a circle, you will go back in time, to the point in time just before entering the door. After doing this it's a good idea just to walk straight through the door normally, cause you look like an idiot when you walk in circles, drawing unwanted attention to yourself

5. They smell nice

4. They promote growth in the glass making industry

3.5. They promote growth in your testicles

3. If you are stronger than other passer-throughs, it allows you to trap them in a glass prison. (eg: If you are walking through with your weak girlfriend who is not one of those horse-piss-injecting body builders. Or... if she is stronger than you, then you can persuade her to have children, go up to the hotel room, poke her, wait nine months, teach your infant to speak and understand humiliation, come back to the revolving door, walk through with your all too powerful lady, wait for your feeble and sensitive child to enter, then BAM! lock'em in, and feel like a god)

2. Les Français ne comprennent pas encore la porte et il fonctionne comme un outil parfait pour les clients de filtre

1. When a group of people enter a building through a revolving door, the last person through is a tool must verbally yell out that they are a tool. This is a sacred rule of the revolving door and must be strictly followed and respected. It is also the thing I like most about la porte tournante.

Do yourself a favor

At work or school, take a nap on the toilet.

link

Also, life can be lived through the newspaper.

Austin returns to the silver screen- Ryan the Writter

Austin has appeared in numerous works on screen including "Paranoia", "Please keep the Bees ( off my knees)", and "WOAH" the musical. His success comes from his ability to make normal social situations into awkward/weird ones (hilarity often ensues).

Today Austin is sitting in a study section at his school. Austin can normally handle this, however a group of nursing students has just walked in and sits next to him.
Audience says "Ooooooh", applauds and cheers
Not wanting to look like a loser, Austin quickly switches his website from Magic the Gathering to a pornsite, so as to make his masturbation seem normal.
The audience eagerly waits and watches as one of the nursing students looks over
"Oh my God! is that kid jerking off?" one of the future nurses states bluntly (and stupidly given that Austin was not exactly hiding his horrendous habit)
The others look over and have mixed reactions of laughing, vomiting, and running away.
Audience applauds with laughter
Austin simply states "oops, i did it again!"
audience laughs before cut scene

Post Script= Austin will not be returning to the screen the disappointment of some and the relief of most.

My eyes burn like mamas din din -- Brody the Writter

My eyes are burning like mamas dinner
ouch

Who will stop this madness, who will pee on the jellyfish sting
Who will pay the parking stall attendant so we can all go home
Who will scoot over on the couch so I can sit down

There's a Baby carriage rolling down the street
I would stop it, but my eyes are burning and I can't see very well

Lockerroom erotica

This is a section from my up and coming book "The sexy life of Ryan, with sex"

It was approaching 9pm, and Ryan was almost done work. He only needed to sweep the squash courts and cash out before returning to his house to watch House. It was going to be a good night indeed. After doing his clean up routine he was almost out the door when he realized he had not cleaned the locker rooms.
"Fuck" Ryan exclaimed, not realizing the literal foreshadowing of his word.
Hastily grabbing the window cleaner and paper towels, Ryan rushed to the locker room to finish the job. On his way to the women's locker room from the mens, Ryan thought he heard a sound, but he quickly dismissed it as something coming from the arena on the other side of the community center.
Ryan opened the door without thinking and was stunned to see a beautiful women stepping out of the shower, totally nude, naked, and without clothing.
Ryan was shocked. Having never seen a naked women before this was incredible, but a women of such beauty (9.8 on the ranking system) nearly made Ryan faint from the loss of blood from his head.
Something strange happened then. The women didnt scream, or run to drop kick Ryan in the head. She just slowly felt around for her towel.
Did she notice me?
Ryan thought as he stood staring at the beautiful curves of this Goddess. Moments past as Ryan stood with his tent pitched, watching this women dry off.
maybe she knows im here and she likes it? Ryan was in the process of thinking, but just as this was happening Ryan dropped his Spray bottle, and the women looked up.

- Got to get back to school work now but anyone (brody) is free to finish this story off