kid memory- bb shenanigans

Random memory= My childhood bud, Kenn Baloney (last name changed for their protection) and I decided to pour salt in our mouths to create more "taste bugs", and to take them away, ate pepper. We had to get the right balance in order to taste the best food.
Kids are so stupid.

Seal-bb shenanigans

The seal meat was delicious. I mean it was really Goddamn good. So good your taste buds scream with anticipation as the seal fat is sucked into the mouth and devoured with teaming teeth of tenacity. The women up north prepared it. Cooked it over a fire right there in the igloo. My God, if Joseph had been there he would have bent right over and ate his shoes given the absurdity of the situation.
But there i was, a boy who had grown up in Pennsylvania, stuck up north of Whitehorse (Yukon Territory, Canada), trying to strike gold.

The trip started out fine, great in fact, given that the weather for October hadn't sunk into fuck me in the ass cold temperatures yet. I had used my savings on getting up to the Goddamn city (I should say town), and afterward spent what little left I had on some Goddamn dogs. The fuckers didn't tell me i needed at least 6-8 dogs to run a sled properly when I had just been able to buy 3. Then, after trying to give em back, he said that their were no refunds. Frustrated, I decided to at least get some meat out of the purchase. I killed two and was in the process of smashing the third when the dog breeder ran out screaming he was joking... I wish I could share his crazy Inuit humor because at that moment I did not think this was particularly funny.
I also found out the dog meat doesn't taste good. Raw. Kicked out of town because of "immoral acts". And without a fire.
Like I said it wasn't fuck me in the ass cold yet, but it was finger me up the butthole with great irritability cold. So I dug a little hole, crawled inside, and next thing I know I was woken up in a tent with the smell of seal meat cooking.
Let me tell you, it was the best Goddamn meal I've ever had.

My Collection of Quotes

I'm using this posts to save quotes I like. This is for my use only and if you are not me stop reading now, you are not allowed to read my personal notes.


"Let not the fierce sun dry one tear of pain
Before thyself hast wiped it from the sufferer's eye" - Helena Petrovna Blavatsky Found in Kurt Vonneguts book - Wampeters Foma & Granfalloons

The Tallest Man on Earth -- Brody the Writter

Ok, so here's the scoop straight outta your neighbours kitty litter. I went to a small concert at an undisclosed location this weekend in and undisclosed Canadian oil town. Why did I do this? Ever day I ask myself why I do the things I do and also why I don't do the things I don't do, of which there are plenty.

Alors, so the main reason I went was because the show was headlined by Tallest Man on Earth, who definitely is not as tall as the name suggests, it's just a little humour he put there to kick you in your ironically defenceless balls/box. It was the first time I've seen the young Kristian Matsson in the flesh and I was very impressed. He's truly a friendly character. I was content after the show my money went to a good cause, unlike that empty feeling you get when you donate to a worthless charity. Not to rag too hard on charities, but seriously, stop phoning my fucking house.

The opening band was a group I've never heard of until now, and thankfully I actually liked their music too. They call themselves The Nurses and are also definitely not what their name suggests. Although, maybe they used to work as nurses in a past career of even a past life? Dun dun daaa.

Any-who, the music was so tasteful I decided to buy their albums on vinyl and let me tell you, think before you buy! I don't own a working record player, what the hell am I doing buying vinyl?




Now I've been trying to buy a decent record player and like most shopping expeditions I lost site of my goal. I started with a price limit of $100 and after tons or turntable research I've discovered I need to spend $3000 to be satisfied. Simply because, after watching youtube videos, I now know I need not, one, but two turntables and a mixer so I can become the worlds greatest DJ.

What?! you say, DJ'n is lame and annoying.

No it is not I retort. It is the greatest thing to happen to vinyl and DJ Kentaro is the greatest thing to happen to DJ'n

Trust my new favourite driving song.

Bis später

___

FIRED - BY RYAN BB SHENANIGANS

Stop the press, hold the phones, keep your shorts on, cause Ryan just got fired. Well to be honest, I got fired last wednesday, but ONLY NOW has the gruesome truth sunk in. No more free squash, no more bumming around receiving ten measly Canadian loonies an hour. No more talking to hot Amber and no more free coffee. Yes this is somewhat of a wake up call..
The Cause:
Forgot about one small itsy bitsy shift that i said i would cover, and apparently you cant play squash during your shift...

What do i do?
I think in their youths everyone is an optimist, believing that any and all dreams can be achieved if you set your mind to it. As you grow older, you begin to realize (or all at once) that this is bull shit. Even if you so happen to be a young white male (hey sorry folks, I didn't create these inequalities) you are still going to amount to diddly squat.

Option 1. Underachieve
Hey, a cynics easy way out. Do nothing in life because in the end all you do is die, so why try?
This job was a slackers paradise, and i have half a mind to try and get this job back. Sure i slacked off, but i was becoming a part of that center. A guy people could ask questions to about squash or anything. And someone to hold on .. k maybe not so much but, I was eating and breathing squash balls for 8 months, and last week I was just left out in the cold.

Option 2. I dont know... wtf should I do? Im an under achiever!

Dear Carol,

I used to think you were quite attractive. You had these amazing hips that flowed down your body like a beautiful prairie landscape. Your teeth were slightly crooked, but in the most perfect way. Your hair smelled like daffodils, even when you didn't wash it. Your breath smelled like an old cedar chair, which is weird, but at least it didn't reek. Your hands felt like ivory. Your eyes shined like a moon. Your smile made my knees weak. Your charm belonged hidden in a rainbow. Your words were so soft.

These things are not the reason for my letter, but rather I write this to inform you I know longer want to see you. You've grown ugly. Ugly like a rat.



Best Regards,


Benjamin Road

The Greatest Game on Earth -- Brody the Writter

Last night I was introduced to the greatest game on earth by a very famous geologist. The game requires numerous people to play and the more people playing the more fantastical this game becomes. It's based on the same idea as "Telephone" and for that reason I feel it make sense to call this game "Snail Mail"


What you need to play --> At least four people, blank pieces of paper and pencils for everyone.



THE RULES:

(ONE) Everyone writes down a short descriptive sentence on the top of their paper.

(TOO) pass your paper to the person on the right

(3) Take your neighbors paper, read the sentence, then try to draw the picture the sentence describes

(FOUR) fold the sentence over so it can no longer be seen, then pass it to the person on the right again with just your new picture visible

(5IVE) Take you neighbors paper, look at their drawing, then write a sentence to describe it

(SEX) Now fold the drawing over so it can no longer be seen, pass it to the person on the right again with only your new sentence visible

(SE7EN) Keep doing this until you get your original paper back and then everyone can open them and read the hilarity.



We played this last night with four people and here's what we ended up with:

The Golden Racket - Ryan BB shenanigans

Nayr Hoosyodad picked the squash ball up from the court, it was still hot from last game. Bouncing it a few times on the floor, Nayr watched as his opponent, Kahn Kahnoor stepped onto the court. Even though his slightly disfigured face naturally conveyed the expression of a frown, Kahns scowl was unmistakable. Kahn had wanted a clean sweep of the best of five match; 3 straight. But the games were now tied 2-2.
Didn't go exactly as planned, did it Kahn? Thought Nayr. He had won the last two games, and by God he was going to win game 5 too.
"Serve Nayr, your choice" instructed the Referee, meaning he could choose which side of the court to serve from. Apparently the ref was eager to start. The audience sat silently in anticipation. Even the children playing up front had stopped to look. The golden racket was within his grasp if he could just pull off one more win.
"At your leisure, Mr. Hoosyodad!" called out the irritated ref.
"ALRIGHT! ITS NOT MY FAULT THIS WRITTER IS BEING SO FUCKING DESCRIPTIVE" Replied the equally irritated Nayr.

Editors note:
I want to go further with this, however not now. So i guess this is just part one.

Excerpts from Merlon's Journal in the Village of Shouldice- Ryan BB shenanigans

Fourth day of Aprile,One Thousand One Hundred and Nine.

Woe be my tormented soul, for my life now is devoid of even simple pleasures. My talks with the local Alchemist (Alchi be his name) have become curt and without merriment upon late. It seems the deal with the crab people has applied to him as well, forcing him to sacrifice both his son, Jorst, and his younger daughter, Susan. In past times, Alchi always would laugh with childish delight upon seeing me remove my thumb from my hand, only to put it back seconds later. This morning when I did this, he simply put his head back into his hands and continued weeping. It seems my attempts to make this town happy are futile.

Alas, I have discovered ways in which to occupy my time while my town is dealing with present misfortunes. Months ago, I sent the local guard to search the southern hills of Coors for semi precious rocks (I have heard that some of these rocks hold mystical properties). Only recently did the guard return (some of them anyway) but more importantly carrying the rocks. Over the past few days my harem has helped place these rocks in my garden, creating pathways for which to view my rhododendrons and calla lilies. The sheer magnitude of my genius can be understood when viewing the garden from my tower, for when viewed, the rocks form the shape of my bust! Though these semi precious minerals are now put to good use, I hesitate to write that the original purpose of this minor expedition has been forgotten. I trust that you will keep this information secret.
I shall write soone,
Merlon

Below is a rough sketch of my rock bust;

Giant Milk Glass -- Brody the Doodler