The Tallest Man on Earth -- Brody the Writter

Ok, so here's the scoop straight outta your neighbours kitty litter. I went to a small concert at an undisclosed location this weekend in and undisclosed Canadian oil town. Why did I do this? Ever day I ask myself why I do the things I do and also why I don't do the things I don't do, of which there are plenty.

Alors, so the main reason I went was because the show was headlined by Tallest Man on Earth, who definitely is not as tall as the name suggests, it's just a little humour he put there to kick you in your ironically defenceless balls/box. It was the first time I've seen the young Kristian Matsson in the flesh and I was very impressed. He's truly a friendly character. I was content after the show my money went to a good cause, unlike that empty feeling you get when you donate to a worthless charity. Not to rag too hard on charities, but seriously, stop phoning my fucking house.

The opening band was a group I've never heard of until now, and thankfully I actually liked their music too. They call themselves The Nurses and are also definitely not what their name suggests. Although, maybe they used to work as nurses in a past career of even a past life? Dun dun daaa.

Any-who, the music was so tasteful I decided to buy their albums on vinyl and let me tell you, think before you buy! I don't own a working record player, what the hell am I doing buying vinyl?




Now I've been trying to buy a decent record player and like most shopping expeditions I lost site of my goal. I started with a price limit of $100 and after tons or turntable research I've discovered I need to spend $3000 to be satisfied. Simply because, after watching youtube videos, I now know I need not, one, but two turntables and a mixer so I can become the worlds greatest DJ.

What?! you say, DJ'n is lame and annoying.

No it is not I retort. It is the greatest thing to happen to vinyl and DJ Kentaro is the greatest thing to happen to DJ'n

Trust my new favourite driving song.

Bis später

___

FIRED - BY RYAN BB SHENANIGANS

Stop the press, hold the phones, keep your shorts on, cause Ryan just got fired. Well to be honest, I got fired last wednesday, but ONLY NOW has the gruesome truth sunk in. No more free squash, no more bumming around receiving ten measly Canadian loonies an hour. No more talking to hot Amber and no more free coffee. Yes this is somewhat of a wake up call..
The Cause:
Forgot about one small itsy bitsy shift that i said i would cover, and apparently you cant play squash during your shift...

What do i do?
I think in their youths everyone is an optimist, believing that any and all dreams can be achieved if you set your mind to it. As you grow older, you begin to realize (or all at once) that this is bull shit. Even if you so happen to be a young white male (hey sorry folks, I didn't create these inequalities) you are still going to amount to diddly squat.

Option 1. Underachieve
Hey, a cynics easy way out. Do nothing in life because in the end all you do is die, so why try?
This job was a slackers paradise, and i have half a mind to try and get this job back. Sure i slacked off, but i was becoming a part of that center. A guy people could ask questions to about squash or anything. And someone to hold on .. k maybe not so much but, I was eating and breathing squash balls for 8 months, and last week I was just left out in the cold.

Option 2. I dont know... wtf should I do? Im an under achiever!

Dear Carol,

I used to think you were quite attractive. You had these amazing hips that flowed down your body like a beautiful prairie landscape. Your teeth were slightly crooked, but in the most perfect way. Your hair smelled like daffodils, even when you didn't wash it. Your breath smelled like an old cedar chair, which is weird, but at least it didn't reek. Your hands felt like ivory. Your eyes shined like a moon. Your smile made my knees weak. Your charm belonged hidden in a rainbow. Your words were so soft.

These things are not the reason for my letter, but rather I write this to inform you I know longer want to see you. You've grown ugly. Ugly like a rat.



Best Regards,


Benjamin Road

The Greatest Game on Earth -- Brody the Writter

Last night I was introduced to the greatest game on earth by a very famous geologist. The game requires numerous people to play and the more people playing the more fantastical this game becomes. It's based on the same idea as "Telephone" and for that reason I feel it make sense to call this game "Snail Mail"


What you need to play --> At least four people, blank pieces of paper and pencils for everyone.



THE RULES:

(ONE) Everyone writes down a short descriptive sentence on the top of their paper.

(TOO) pass your paper to the person on the right

(3) Take your neighbors paper, read the sentence, then try to draw the picture the sentence describes

(FOUR) fold the sentence over so it can no longer be seen, then pass it to the person on the right again with just your new picture visible

(5IVE) Take you neighbors paper, look at their drawing, then write a sentence to describe it

(SEX) Now fold the drawing over so it can no longer be seen, pass it to the person on the right again with only your new sentence visible

(SE7EN) Keep doing this until you get your original paper back and then everyone can open them and read the hilarity.



We played this last night with four people and here's what we ended up with: