Bartering Gone Awry

Village Archives

The economy in the Village of Shouldice is being strangled by the new and absurd taxes put in place by Merlin. With so much money going towards taxes, there seems to be little money left for buying goods. Merlin says the tax money is going back into the Village, but so far he has only used the money to build a small statue of himself in the centre of town and to repaint his fence with a colour he feels better represents his personality.

To make matters worse, the town shop keeps have been at a severe bartering disadvantage. The violent citizens have been using their sharp and dangerous looking garden tools to barter and buy goods at ridiculously low prices. Some rumours have been circulating about cases where the shop keeps have actually been persuaded to pay their patrons to take the goods. The Merchants Guild is in a quick race to arm all the shop keeps with their own dangerous looking gardening tools.

It should also be mentioned that some of the children in the local school have started eating grass, sometimes spending their entire recess breaks grazing in the field beside the school.

How to have fun/wastetime online! Episode 1 -By Ryan

Hi everybody!

I'm in a giving mood today, and that is why I'm going to share some insiders information on fun things to do on the internet. Today im going to show you a great place to have fun that excludes facebook, games, and porn. "No porn?" some will ask. "yes, you can have fun without porn" I'll say. Boom! I just had fun talking to myself, its as easy at that!

Think of the possibilities of creating and modifying your own mind map.. online! You can check this out, or actually go to the site here.

For an amazing example of this (and partially why i wrote this article) you can check out my work life in a mind map by signing in with Login=Writters Password=Writters
my work mind map is on the tab on the right.

The now famous Four Writters- by ryan

We just did an online interview (with the constant pestering of others) and it is now on blog interviewer.com

You can find it here

Now, enjoy the rest of your day or I'll kill you.

the ReddY membrANe that surrounds me

is slowly growing lighter. The point of light on the horizon is engulfing me. The tip of my body breaks through and emerges into open air.

I am alive.

I am not afraid because i see that there are many others around me. We breath together; in. out. in. out. The silence is sometimes broken by one of our yellow/green friends in the form of a whistle. Life is good.

Life is now not good. It's been three weeks and these disgusting green abominations i earlier referred to as "friends" are now starting to form on me and my brothers. I can't enjoy the fresh air anymore and whenever we get cold, our "friends" get hard. I can't live like this.

There is hope however.

Every once in a while a battering ram from heaven comes to purge us of our "friends". Some of my brothers are taken but in the end its well worth...

"BROTHERS, HOLD ON! OUR SAVIOUR IS COMING TO PURGE US!
AHHHHHHHH IM DETACHED, MY LIFE HAS BEEN TOO SHORT"

Meanwhile....

Dude, Ryan.. are you picking your nose?

I kan drawl -- Brody the MSPainter

Here's another picture dedication to "Servant of the Most High", who thought it would be cool to spam our comments on the last post.



Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET

Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

My First Internet Prank - By rRyan

So I randomly found this site yesterday where you can talk to random people with anonymity (you can find it here) What became evident after talking to a few nice chaps, is that the internet is full of INTERNET PREDATORS!1!! This is news to me, seeing as how i spend my time on the net surfing respectable, reputable, well regarded sites. I thought this was someone pulling my chain!

ANYHOOZER, on this site most of these guys started their conversations with things like "I AM A MALE, YOU FEMALE?? I AM SO HORNY", and the remarkably speedy first post and my personal fav, "R U HRNY?". Wow, just wow.. you cant even take the time to fully spell the words. SO, naturally i was alittle put off by these internet jerks, and i wanted to enact some sort of revenge, not only for me but for the little girls just checking this site out! can you imagine?? "Hewo Im 6 yeaws ode :)" followed by ( imagine a deep growly voice) "WANNA SEE MY DICK?". Sick stuff im tellin you. Anyways I have a shortend version on the conversation here:

Stranger: 18+ girl?
You: bonjour!
You: oui je suis un femme
Stranger: salut
Stranger: tu parlais du anglais?
You: yes
Stranger: ok cool

the stuff i took out now is boring, get to know you stuff.. i had to lure him in with this stuff just like im sure he lured 1000s of other girls.
Also for this first bit i play along to get him going, then I start to fuck with him later.

So on the the fun stuff...


Stranger: how do you want to spend the next few years.
You: tell me what you want to do to me
Stranger: really?
You: do you want to play with me or not?
Stranger: I want to flirt with you first :)
Stranger: i'm a fucking tease
You: i dont fall for that stuff, i would walk away
Stranger: awww
Stranger: well, since your so forward. i can man up a bit.
Stranger: are you in your bedroom?
You: we are in the living room
Stranger: we?
Stranger: oh
Stranger: me and you?
You: im about to send you away if you dont do any thing
Stranger: ok
You: good byeee.....
Stranger: i would start out with a kiss
Stranger: soft, silent press
Stranger: i would frame your face with my hands
Stranger: i'd turn off the lights
Stranger: lie down with you on the couch
Stranger: id begin to kiss your neck
You: you are a good kisser
Stranger: i am very
You: i respond to your movements
Stranger: one of my few talents
Stranger: my hands would navigate your body
Stranger: documenting your countours, and responses
Stranger: i would shift my weight
Stranger: and gradually gyrate.
Stranger: your heart beat quickens.
Stranger: i feel this through your supple breasts
Stranger: your breathing matches the same tempo
Stranger: i turn you over
You: i am getting very hott
Stranger: and and unzip my pants
Stranger: no fucking condom today
Stranger: oh well
Stranger: i lean in
Stranger: my breath is shaky
Stranger: from shear anticipation
Stranger: your lying face down
Stranger: i breathe in your ears
You: oh my goddd
Stranger: i wrap my arms around your shoulders
Stranger: and squeeze
Stranger: gently but i am pretty strong
You: i twist your nipples
Stranger: i sit up and slide down your knickers
Stranger: and return you kissing you neck
Stranger: then i part your legs
Stranger: they are slightly ajar
You: STICK IT INNN MEE
Stranger: i enter
Stranger: for a moment
Stranger: your mouth opens
Stranger: your breating halts
You: i spit on you
Stranger: i thrust
Stranger: you are so fucking tight
You: i start poking you
Stranger: this feels amazing
Stranger: again i wrap my arms around you
Stranger: and draw you in
You: i grab a razor and start shaving the hair off your chest
Stranger: . . .
Stranger: is this really the time for that?
You: yes, you are so hairy
You: but keep pumping man, you are doing great
Stranger: I decide to turn the tables
Stranger: I hand you the reigns
Stranger: i lie down and you straddle me.
Stranger: im so relaxed
Stranger: and you push down
Stranger: taking every inch
You: we head up to the bedroom first... i put a coller on you and you crawl up the stairs after me
Stranger: feeling equal parts pain and pleasure
Stranger: no, no colloers
Stranger: collers*
Stranger: I respect you
Stranger: this is initimate.
Stranger: and fun
You: you resist, but you cant resist me
You: i head up to the bedroom
Stranger: i throw you on the bed
Stranger: i push my hand into the side of your face
Stranger: not to roughly
Stranger: i bend you overs
You: i bite it
Stranger: :)
Stranger: i disarm your agression with well placed kiss
You: i bite your lips
Stranger: playfully
You: draw some blood...
Stranger: no, catherine no blood
You: i start licking the blood
Stranger: :O
Stranger: I grab your waist
Stranger: and raise it level with my crotch
Stranger: and i fucking mount youy
Stranger: from here on in
Stranger: i will ride you like a triple crown jockey
Stranger: im bigger and stronger than you
Stranger: I slam
You: thats why i have a gun
Stranger: all the way in and all the way out.
You: I scream
Stranger: wait wait
You: RAPE!
Stranger: blood, guns.
You: my neighbor comes running in
Stranger: no
You: and he rips his cloths off and looks at you
You: oh yeah sean he wants you
Stranger: fuck sake
You: he is very, very big
Stranger: are you andrea?
You: "your asshole is mine" he says longingly
Stranger: unfortunately i realize now, rather naively that you aren' the girl in the photo you gave
You: hours later i find you in the shower crying like a girl
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

THE END.

A Drunken Sunday Morning Post- by Jon

Currently 5:43 AM Mountain Time; just returned from the strippers. My roommate (Ryan maybe you know him?) took me there as a tribute, my first time; a treat between guys I guess. I can, in a single sentence, sum it up as is:
in order to demean women, you must first demean society.
Maybe this is the wrong way to ponder this? Maybe this quote of my own making is nothing more than a cop-out, blaming my own lustful and lecherous impulses on the nature of society. However, I would disagree, despite how much I enjoy the female figure (I do agree that strip clubs degrade women, that's the main reason I advocate they stick to internet porn - the amount of degredation is inversly proportional to the distance between the benefactor and the observer).
It was my first time at the strippers. Surprisingly, I spent the majority of my visit observing the behavior of the audience present instead of the performance (It both intrigued and depressed me). The crowd comprised: 18-20 year old men 55%, 21+ men 30%, and women 18-30 15% (all drunk approximates of course). A wave of depression came over me. I found it somewhat ironic that the loonies that I was tossing towards these nude beauties epitomized integrity, reverence, and empowerment for women (for all you non-Canadians out there, the back of a Canadian dollar coin entails the queen of England). At the same time, there was a comforting realization for how society is; I am somewhat of a cynic/realist to begin with so that explains that. A saying I made up (I see society this way): “If you can’t eat it, make money off it, or fuck it, it’s for the birds”.
The joint closed and Ryan and I were forced out onto the street, a cheap hot dog stand lay before us. While my companion was ordering a delicious six-inch delicacy I had fun conversing with the crowd loitering around the club front entrance. It was at this point that I epiphanized the italic statement above. I guess I’m not trying to argue from any specific point of view, but instead just a off-the cuff, drunk, observation/philosophy. I value facts above anything else, in fact I live by the saying “I let the facts dictate my opinion, not my opinion determine the facts” (The funny thing is, I am not running by any facts in this whole post, just my observations (I’m being hypocritical (How many brackets between brackets can you do before it is poor format?)), fuck alcohol it confuses you!). So by all means I like public review and criticism. Open post I welcome it. I should say that I’m not really trying to convince anyone of anything or argue anything in particular. I’m currently inebriated and just spilling what ever comes to mind. What the hell am I even talking about? Fuck this, I’m going to sleep.

First admitted drunken post from the FOUR WRITTERS.

A minute with Tyler - by Jon and Ryan

Ryan - "Hey Tyler, is this your onion on the table?"
Tyler - "Why, is it a PROBLEM?"
Ryan - "No, I just think it's a bit random there's a red onion on the living room table".
Tyler - "Oh haha...."
Tyler - Maybe it's not my onion? Jon never leaves his onions on the table. It could be Ryan's, then he's just screwing with me. Where is my weed. Maybe Jon has an onion in the fridge and this is my onion. I left that roach on the porch, I should look for it. Oh, the paper's on the doorstep, Obama and healthcare front page. Obama is the man....no he is THE MAN! If I was gay I would have sex with Obama...no I would have sex with him now. We'll lets be reasonable, i'd have sex with Michelle and secretly involve myself with Obama and his affairs. Fuck my roach is lost.

This concludes a minute with Tyler.

Funny pic of Tuesday Night - Brody the MSPainter

This pic is dedicated to Brett, who spammed the comments in one of the last posts. Well, Brett, this is what happens when you sell Viagra to your own dad. BAM! BLood stain!

funny pic of the week - R

I know that who ever wrote this had english as a second language but come on! how did this get so screwed in translation? Maybe it is actually the correct translation?

An Unsettling Poem - by Jon

Here I sit before electric light
Baffled and muddled upon this sight
A note of history recorded on my bar
This set my mood and emotion off par
For now I realize, crinkled and tossed
Evidence of self abuse, and something lost
But if incidentally the course and intention untrue
A splash or sputter upon my keyboard it flew
One click on the mouse, one stroke of a key
My flesh now defiled, my spirit debris
And this becomes my realization today:
There is a price when my roommates use my computer to play.

The Game - Ryan's Version

Hey folks,
Just to let you know in advance, this is a post for the guys. Not to exclude the ladies, its just that i cant really give advice to girls, i simply woo them with my inescapable charm. So in short, I thought i would help all you guys out with some indispensable tips on picking up the ladies.

The Problem

Here's a scary fact= Women are getting more powerful, and are almost as equal as us men. If you thought it was scary when they started wearing pants, just think about when they come for our jobs.




Solution:

Some say you should walk over and talk to girls if you like them. Please dont be fooled by this. The girl will eventually find you and be drawn to you. Ideally, you want to look like Aragorn but you have to look at your muscules also. Here is a perfect example of this :



After she is with you, assert your dominance by constantly showing off your power. Hit stuff/people while your walking with her/ Bang a table if your sitting Etc. Also, you should shout abuses at those who you know are weaker than you. This should keep her uncomfortable at the very least, and at most she will already be leaping into your pants. Keep it cool big guy that was a joke.. its not going to be that easy. What you need to do next is what The Game calls a "close".
I know sometimes its hard to break away from the tough guy routine, however to close early you need a good story of how you were abused or you just got out of a tough relationship. This should get her ol' emotions going and your pretty much set.

If that doesent work there is still always a bat and duct tape.

Good luck gents!