My Dog is a Racist - Ryan

To set the stage, my family has 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 donkeys and a horse. Two of the dogs are Labs, and 1 is a Border Collie, the latter being the focus of this topic. Her name is Roxy and as a collie, her instinct is to heard animals by barking and running around them. This would be fine... if the animals actually needed to be herded. So periodically we hear the pleasant, high pitch bark, over and over and over again until someone calls her and tells her to stop. Her particular interest is to go to the donkeys and horse and run around them barking, directing them nowhere so they end up getting nervous and start kicking. Its a stupid, repetitive, racist behavior.Roxy hates them. I can see it in her eyes. She looks at them and barks her hateful barks confusing the livestock.

I don't know what to do because its been a good 5 years with roxy living around horses. Trying to train her and using an electric collar did not work, so im going to try to link this to other things.

Ok lets think about a few things,

1: Roxy has possibly picked up the hereditary genes which has naturally made her racist towards bigger animals, or as a pup Roxy's mom barked the early teachings of racism.

2: Smaller brain size. When I see the other labs looking at Roxy bark, they are like "wtf Roxy, why do you keep barking (racistly)"

3: Personality. maybe she has just grown up becoming racist because she is not as cute as Lassy (the dog on tv who saves the kid in the well), and other animals are big?

Could some of these traits of my racist dog Roxy be related to real life human racists?

Tribute to the Calgary Flames - by Jon

I would like to congradulate the Calgary Flames with another epic fail.

Vancouver Canucks, I wish you the worst in round two.

Merlin Increases Taxes

The new mayor of Shouldice has raised the taxation rate on family incomes from a modest 5% to 45%. He has also raised the tax on bartered goods from 2% to 10%.

Although the Mayor stated he has no need to defend his decisions, as he knows what is best for all the villagers, he has justified his dramatic tax increases with the promise improving the deteriorating state of Shouldice. He has also started posting pictures of himself on the sides of public buildings.

Also to be noted, two carriages have been loaded with copious amounts of water and food. It would not be surprising if a disconcerting amount of villagers set out tomorrow in search of whatever it is they are in search of.

Probability Cont. - by Jon

I intend to conclude my post from a day ago that displayed three head/tail sequences from randomly flipping a penny. Brody got the answer spot on, but the exact answer wasn't something I was looking for.

HHHHHTTTTT
HTTHHTHTHT
HTHTHTHTHT

This post was more an adventure into human psychology. Unfortunately, many of our readers are preoccupied with "buying bread that day" and "sharpening there gardening tools into more dangerous looking bartering tools" over in the Village of Shouldice (see prior post), so comments were few and far between.

The probability of attaining any of these three H/T sequence upon 10 flips of a penny are equally likely. However, some people happen to trick themselves into thinking that the first and/or third have differing degrees of probability depending on the information inherent in each sequence. By information I am refering to the the ability to recognize patterns - or simply pattern recognition. Because the first and third sequence each have conspicuous patterns to them, the pattern is recognized and believed to carry information. It is a misconception that information is greater in complexity than random noise. It simply depends on how you calibrate your system (brain) and what exactly you are looking for.
Essentially, because we can percieve information within the first and last sequence, we may become fooled into thinking the probability of attaining such a pattern by mere coin-flipping is higher than the random, non-sensical, pattern of the second sequence.
I have a rock at home with lichen on one side in the form of a happy face. It looks quite commical and upon first glance you might think "what the hell are the odds of that?". Well, the odds are the same for any other random orientation of lichen, it just happens that this particular orientation I attribute significance to because i'm calibrated to see such patterns.

Change in Power

Merlin has been voted mayor of Shouldice after calling upon the election himself. Only three citizens voted in the election as most of the Apathetics were buying bread that day, and the other more violent citizens were sharpening their gardening tools into more dangerous looking bartering tools. The ballot tally'er has informed us that the three voters were Merlins' two daughters and his wife Emily, who has been missing for a number of years. Emily has once again disappeared.

Probability - by Jon

Here's an interesting question for you fellows to ponder:
Take a penny. Upon flipping, there are two possible outcomes, heads (H) or Tails (T). Now, I want to know what you think the probability of each outcome is:

HHHHHTTTTT

HTTHHTHTHT

HTHTHTHTHT

a shepherds dream is of the masses
ill drink to the one who is thy neighbor
He goes with the crowd
He eats the masses
I am dead

Poker? -- Brody

I'm about to play some online poker, but it got me thinking. We need to have a poker night soon. Even a poker evening, after which we can go out to the streets and get drunk, and not sleep with random girls.

Two Time-lines of Earth History - by Jon

Timelines
This only applies to young earth creationists, of course. The beliefs boggle me to no end.

Quam-Ryan

I hate how people post on facebook post how many exams they have left and how many days they have to go. Its annoying and no body cares.

Attack of the zombie crabs! -Ryan

read from damn interesting.com, this article kind of blew me away. I had no idea that parasites could do this! could you imagine one that attaches to humans?

"i hate small towns, and i hate things i cant see!" -Francis

"Francis! look over here!" -Zoe

"Ahh get it off me, get it off me!" - Louis

"Theres a man comin round taken names, and he decides who to fdsfdsaas AHHHH ZOMBIE CRABS" -Bill

Action in Progress- ryan

In study room in library, women annoyed with something big african guy said. she says he will get kicked out if he keeps doing this, he says "im not your whore" (i almost laugh, not because im sexist but because i have never heard a guy say this) she gets the info guy... waiting now (this is happening as im writing this) he comes in, im starting to get excited because some shit might go down.. he says that work has to be done in this room and he leaves... damn. fucking anticlimactic! ok well here is how my version would go.
The small info guy runs into the library swinging, not because he is racist or naturally over aggressive, but because he has had a crush on this tattle tail for ages. The big guy is startled but prepared, he knew with that whore comment that something could happen. The IT guy jumps over a row of computers and attempts to crash into big guy (BG), BG jumps above his chair and puts all of his weight into his elbow which comes crashing down on IT's neck. The result is much more gorier than one would expect. Im two rows away and i get blood and brains (???) all over me as i type this. Im loving it because I have only seen this shit in video games. BG turns to me in agression, and i give him a thumbs up and smile. he smiles and runs off. I am left with a body and that tattle tail chick screaming in hysteria. I want her to shut up.
the end.

Would you Rather -- Brody the Writter

Would you rather have the ability to start a fire just by pointing at something,

or have the ability to never feel cold again.

time waster

you came here to waste time eh? well i dont think your coming back here for a while because when you go here shits going down.

Ryan has a blog too!

It seems the fad is to create other blogs then post back on the mother blogs because it seems cooler so, I got my blog up here too! I remembered that i did this for a media class in Lethbridge.. I also build a web page, go ahead check it out. (Using internet explorer not firefox) Its this little story i had to do about my potential future! I forgot how much fun this was, some really cool roll overs (dont be afraid of the snake!) :( i miss those days.. i kinda want to do this again..

so yeah i started following this blog so go to my blog then there is a link to the web site i used.. remember to use internet explorer though!

Division in the Village

It appears the villagers have formed two distinct parties. One of the parties is very violent and continues to throw small rocks at the mayors' statue. The other party is composed of the rest of the villagers, who seam to be ignorant to the current state of affairs. The violent ones refer to them as the Apathetics, since have managed to completely ignore the unfolding drama.

Some of the Apathetics took today as an opportunity to buy bread from the local bakery.

Dismay

A large number of people have been gathering at the town square. Rumors have been circulating that certain citizens are planning to leave the village. They believe there might be other places to settle beyond the hills. A meeting has been scheduled at the hall to discuss the issue.

bagel - ryan

i ate one of your bagels tyler, im sorry

Dear Carol,


Dinner was amazing. It all smelled so good and tasted so much like it smelled. When I walked into the room the aroma was like a thick fog I had to feel my way through. I'm truly sorry about bumping my hand into your face, but you know as well as I the air was that thick, you couldn't even see in front of yourself. I'm also sorry about your cat, I will replace it as soon as my leg heals. There's a litter of baby cats in the alley behind my house, they look similar to the one you used to have. I'm also sorry about knocking over your lamp and having it smash all over the ground, shattering into tiny little glass bits, which we had to blindly walk over to get to the table. I hope your feet are looking better, and also your head after you knocked it on that counter. Oops. Your face will always be beautiful to me. Very nice dessert too; apples and cheese. I've never heard of that before, is it european? Very different.

When you get out of the hospital you should stop by my apartment. I'm making some tuna salad and would love to feed you for once, I know your probably being spoiled by the nurses right now, but I can make a mean tuna salad and would enjoy your company.



Best re guards,


Ramona Field

haiku -ryan

sitting in my chair
I wait watching the world pass
procrastinating

Weekly Explosm Comic #5 - Ryan

hey there everyone, its time for explosm!

A Drive in a Car -- Brody the Writter

I'm about to exit the city limits as I pass the last set of lights. The warmth of their glow will quickly fade into the vast darkness that consumes all things existing beyond the cities reach. I can see a car with its flashers on about a kilometer ahead, too far to make out any details as to why. My ass is uncomfortable and sweaty yet I don't turn off the seat heater, I'm unable to link the two conditions together. As sweat pools around me, in a puddle of cruelty, I rapidly approach the flashing car. I can see that it's parked square in my lane.

I had just finished watching a horror film so my mind plays with the idea some wacko is going to stop me for help only to try and stab me for his sick kicks. The idea doesn't seem to faze me, it never does anymore. I think I would enjoy the drama of such a situation, a sudden kick to jolt a dull life.

As I intriguingly pull around the car, looking to see if the individual needs help, I notice a figure in front of his vehicle laying on the ground. It's not a person, but a large porcupine.

"Well that's no reason for me to stop"

I continue to drive through the dark void, more intrigued with my radio then with the situation of the dead ball of needles. I'm running off three hours sleep, and vexed in song, but it's not enough to distract me from my own suicidal porcupine that hurls itself in front of my car. Unfortunately for the collection of needles I easily avoid hitting it. I avoided killing it only to save damage to my worthless car, even though the second I saw the creature I knew it wanted to die.

I've lived in this area at least a decade and I've never seen a porcupine here. They also don't travel in herds during the melting months of spring like fucking deer. They were porcupine mates and they lived for each other. That porcupinacal mess that I avoided killing was throwing himself in front of my car after watching it's love die a kilometer up the road. What will become of it one can only speculate. Will it attempt to butt heads with a car again, hoping for a less graceful driver. Will it wander around without eating until it dies from starvation. Will it lay in a field somewhere and die from a broken heart. One can't be sure, but I have a feeling it has seen its end.

google this-ryan

I apologize for not posting anything of value...

in google type in "i just shit" and see what google predicts what you will say

Stories - tyler

Some interesting articles for y'all. The first is from 1996 on why sports stadiums make no economic sense to build. fyi...both the NY Yankees and Mets just finished brand new, billion-dollar-plus baseball stadiums, so its pretty relevant. Next we have another article on why B-Rock is so great, etc., etc... but actually it is something from a new angle, from a Pullitzer Prize winner in journalism. And finally, HELLLOOOOOOO MRS OBAMA!!! She so fine. Okay maybe not that fine, but her fashion sense is freaky-styley!


http://www.nytimes.com/ref/opinion/05opclassic.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/opinion/05dowd.html?em
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/04/03/fashion/20090403-michelle-slideshow_index.html

Drunk 2 - tylor

Sorry, i had it all wrong. it is called subatomical interior fixation disorder. the condition is. the name might sound funny. but this disease is surely not funny. metamorphical metastasizing mass induced particales (not to be confused with particles) become imbedded in the lateral region of my foreskine (unrelated to the foreskin). This leads to weirdiization (from the German, "veird.") Something like that anyway. The disease sounds so cool i almost want to keep it.

Drunk - tyler

apologies to shan and ryan (and also to the towel closet) for thinking that I could sleep in their rooms -- sorry, I thought I was going to my room when I did that. I was drunk. woke up lying on top of my work clothes, with my jacket still on..what the hell. Only one part of the brain was working...the part right behind the aft frontal starboard lobe. They call this the dumbass regionsectionsmacker of the brain. The doctor said he will give me a septiliminal infraction (or something like that) tomorrow to fix it - whatever that is. wait...i don't know if he will "give it," or implant it (or extract it) or what. whatever it is, all will be better tomorrow.

no jokes or comics about this one, guys. its serious.

Guest Post - Timothy Michael Adams

First of all, I would like to thank the generous 'Four Writters' for the opportunity to participate in a guest post. Second of all, I am inebriated to the point of exhaustion and I can no longer further expel the energy to continue further expelling of mi nrergy, and the expoltiozn of my energile is the en of.d zz @..sd


Timothy Adams, PhD Applied Sciences, Advanced Intronomics, and Intrusive Catapults.

douche on the loose -- Brody the Writter

Copper head fag on the loose at local calgary hot dog stands.

It's official: cheap dead beat 32 year old eats hot dog alone as a corporate reject.

Housing prices - brody

Just read an interesting article written in 2006 about the history of housing prices. It talks about the myth of real estate being a good investment and the current state of the housing boom at the time of writing.

This Very, Very Old Hous

The snow is melting -- Brody The Advoccist

Ok, this shit happens every year and we just sit here and plead ignorance to the issue. The fucking sun is melting all the snow and its all going to be gone soon if we don't do something. You people make me sick, you just sit here reading whilst you should be out lobbing our governments to take stance and act. We need to stop the melting of the snow while we still have a chance.

Maybe we can somehow construct a giant blanket to surround the earth and block the suns rays. I don't know but we have to start thinking about how our lack of actions are going to impact the snow situation.

Life of Tyler: Episode 1 -- Brody the Dooddler

Inspiration

... - by Jon

X girls Y cups
Making Rules

LOL - by Jon

Read these from the Onion:
Article 1
Article 2

Ah Cheating - Tyler

So I just bribed a girl in my Econ class to do my assignment. I asked her to do the assignment, she said she wanted sexual favours or 20 bucks, so I said, ok here's 20 bucks. Sexual favours would be totally inappropriate, but if she really pushed me, I might have even done that, too. Moral of the story, university is only as hard as you make it.

New

TYHursDya 10;24p, -- Brody

"FOr some reason he has to hang on to the helicopter blades or something" tyler
"Maybe you should ask david blain to do it" - brodie
"Do you, know how fast a helicopter blade goes" brodie
"you just go shooting" ryan

silence

continues

......

"I was at school for seven hours today and I only got 500 words" brodie
"how many words do you need" shannon
"i dont know" brodie

"it's just like, like when you have to write those really dumb assignments you know" brodie
"I think brody is gay. are you gay brody?"

FUCK YOU ALL....

Weekly Explosm Comic #4 - Ryan

Im severely constrained by this essay which is due tomorrow but look at this dedication, I still have time to post one of my all time favorite comics!

(this one is a bit off)

Bread -- Brody the Writter

I used to really enjoy eating bread too. White Wonder bread to be more specific. I guess this was during the time when I was still a single digit age. It tasted good just to eat it as was, undressed straight from the bag. Still the enjoyment also came from playing with it; rolling it into a ball or making a tiny little imperfect cube. You could try as hard or long as you want, but the edges would always obstinately bend with the concave imprints of your fingers. When you bite into the cube-ish piece of bread it was still soft, but had the intention of something more solid. Fucking good and it left that impression of your teeth that was interesting to look at.
Now I really dread the bread, like the red head man said.... ugh nevermind that was fucking lame.

Now I really dislike bre


Now I fucking hate bread....

Now.... Now, It's not the same anymore. It's more of a chore to eat bread, or sandwiches, or things that are related to sandwiches in ways that make eating them a chore. Actually eating has become a chore, and drinking too. I'm not saying I'm anorexic, but I envy their courage to defy submitting to necessities. I think if I didn't eat for a long time I might appreciate it more, but I also fear I might die. If I didn't die and started eating again, I'm sure I would have to live the rest of my life constantly thinking about how easy everything was during the time of the not eating time (deal with it).

That kind of makes me think, maybe all the drudge of life is caused by relating our current situations to past experiences when things were better or easier. The people who take risks to experience new and different things eventually fall back into the norm. By taking those risks they've only created memories to further torment their current state of thought.

"Man, not eating was fucking rad, I saved $20 tuesday and I had like an extra two hours to draw circles on that peice of old printer paper. But fuck [subliminal gay message], now I know I have to eat and it's become that much more annoying." - Said by You

That's exactly what you would say to yourself, I know this because I didn't make that sentence up, I quoted your future self.

"I would quote you more often if you would more often say things worth quoting." - Me

That was me quoting myself. I'm aloud to do that because I said the sentence out loud before writing it. After you say something out loud you can no longer write it down in the narrative. You are forced to italicize it and enclose it with the double floaty line thingys. You also have to write your name at the end.

"I'm going to stop writing and go draw circles on a piece of paper." - Me