Interview with Jackie Chan –By Ryan the Racist Interviewer

RRI - So J-star, you don’t mind if I call you that do you?

Jackie- I don’t know what you are after, but I have connections in high places. You’ll regret doing this.

RRI- J-star it is. So J-star, just to get an idea of who you are; If you were a soup, what kind would you be?

Jackie- ….

RRI- Let me rephrase. If you could kill all the whales in the world, would you?

Jackie- …i…don’t

RRI- Alright, alright that was a loaded question I know. What’s it like in Japan?

Jackie- I’ve heard it’s a beautiful island. Now can you please loosen this rope?

RRI- HAHAHA, that’s rich! Sounding like you’ve never been… And your favourite type of sushi?

Jackie- I’m more of a Dim Sum fan. I have money, is it money you want?

RRI- What I want is for some goddamn straight answers! So how was your country affected when they defeated Russia in 1905.

Jackie- I’M CHINESE YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

RRI rises slowly and starts to remove his belt.

Jackie- oh fuck oh fu…you english all crazy! Like pulp fiction!

Remaining silent, RRI places the belt on the coffee table.

RRI- Then WHY does it SAY you’re Japanese on Wikipedia??

TRUSTING THE INFORMATION FOUND ON WIKIPEDIA CAN CAUSE GREAT MISUNDERSTANDINGS

The Game - Ryan's Version

Hey folks,
Just to let you know in advance, this is a post for the guys. Not to exclude the ladies, its just that i cant really give advice to girls, i simply woo them with my inescapable charm. So in short, I thought i would help all you guys out with some indispensable tips on picking up the ladies.

The Problem

Here's a scary fact= Women are getting more powerful, and are almost as equal as us men. If you thought it was scary when they started wearing pants, just think about when they come for our jobs.




Solution:

Some say you should walk over and talk to girls if you like them. Please dont be fooled by this. The girl will eventually find you and be drawn to you. Ideally, you want to look like Aragorn but you have to look at your muscules also. Here is a perfect example of this :



After she is with you, assert your dominance by constantly showing off your power. Hit stuff/people while your walking with her/ Bang a table if your sitting Etc. Also, you should shout abuses at those who you know are weaker than you. This should keep her uncomfortable at the very least, and at most she will already be leaping into your pants. Keep it cool big guy that was a joke.. its not going to be that easy. What you need to do next is what The Game calls a "close".
I know sometimes its hard to break away from the tough guy routine, however to close early you need a good story of how you were abused or you just got out of a tough relationship. This should get her ol' emotions going and your pretty much set.

If that doesent work there is still always a bat and duct tape.

Good luck gents!

My Internet Connection is Lagging -- Brody the Writter

It's a well documented stereotypical fact that Muslims don't have a lot of sex. It's also a stereotypical fact that when they do have the sex, they make it count. That means they have to buy more bread and ice cream for a bunch of screaming baby mouths to keep them quiet and alive. They also start paying attention to those annoying diaper commercials on the color motion screen (Diaper commercials: the only legal form of child pornography [sick bastards]).

"Come on, What's your point?" the stubborn internet reader interjected annoyingly, while simultaneously picking their nose and smearing it on their keyboard, then quickly wiping their finger off as they realized their actions were being documented.

"I'm fucking getting to it!" I said out loud, seemingly to myself.

A girl code named Nikita recently had me watch this video about how the Muslim culture is going to dominate the world population in the next half century or so. This all because, on average, they fornicate large families and other cultures don't; therefore, by the process of diffusion, they well spread out evenly over the world and smother everyone else. The video is obviously made by a fear mongering Christian, and therefore must be taking with a grain of salt and sugar, yet it's underlying premise is true that Muslims have a high sperm count.

All that I can surmise from the video is that Muslims are hogging all the internet bandwidth in my neighborhood, which is why my connection is lagging. Makes it pretty tough for me to trick internet daters into requesting dates with Rico Speedster (the 6'1" figure skater with an unbuttoned silk white shirt and glazed six-pack, who drives a sexy black 1969 GTO) only to discover it's actually a creepy internet writter with bad grammer and slpelling skills, at which time it would be to late and I could mass produce small copies of myself over nine month intervals.

It's time to start investing in Baby Thong Diapers.

Guest Post - Timothy Michael Adams

First of all, I would like to thank the generous 'Four Writters' for the opportunity to participate in a guest post. Second of all, I am inebriated to the point of exhaustion and I can no longer further expel the energy to continue further expelling of mi nrergy, and the expoltiozn of my energile is the en of.d zz @..sd


Timothy Adams, PhD Applied Sciences, Advanced Intronomics, and Intrusive Catapults.

The snow is melting -- Brody The Advoccist

Ok, this shit happens every year and we just sit here and plead ignorance to the issue. The fucking sun is melting all the snow and its all going to be gone soon if we don't do something. You people make me sick, you just sit here reading whilst you should be out lobbing our governments to take stance and act. We need to stop the melting of the snow while we still have a chance.

Maybe we can somehow construct a giant blanket to surround the earth and block the suns rays. I don't know but we have to start thinking about how our lack of actions are going to impact the snow situation.

Your Monday Delusion-by Jon

Get a kick out of this (here's the link)
Its about a religious cult in Baltimore
Quoted from the article:

…they denied a 16-month-old boy food and water because he did not say "Amen" at mealtimes. After he died, they prayed over his body for days, expecting a resurrection, then packed it into a suitcase with mothballs. They left it in a shed in Philadelphia, where it remained for a year before detectives found it last spring.

and:

Psychiatrists who evaluated Ramkissoon at the request of a judge concluded that she was not criminally insane. Her attorney, Steven Silverman, said the doctors found that her beliefs were indistinguishable from religious beliefs, in part because they were shared by those around her.

"She wasn't delusional, because she was following a religion," Silverman said, describing the findings of the doctors' psychiatric evaluation.

I like that last bit. All you delusional nut jobs out there can reclaim sanity if you profess religious affiliation or succeed in convincing someone that you truely aren't delusional.

P.S. PADP that includes you =)

Alabama Born Loud Mouth Re-Signed -- Brody the Writter

Buffalo Bills signed Terrell Owens. He now gets another opportunity to catch the football.