The Golden Racket - Ryan BB shenanigans

Nayr Hoosyodad picked the squash ball up from the court, it was still hot from last game. Bouncing it a few times on the floor, Nayr watched as his opponent, Kahn Kahnoor stepped onto the court. Even though his slightly disfigured face naturally conveyed the expression of a frown, Kahns scowl was unmistakable. Kahn had wanted a clean sweep of the best of five match; 3 straight. But the games were now tied 2-2.
Didn't go exactly as planned, did it Kahn? Thought Nayr. He had won the last two games, and by God he was going to win game 5 too.
"Serve Nayr, your choice" instructed the Referee, meaning he could choose which side of the court to serve from. Apparently the ref was eager to start. The audience sat silently in anticipation. Even the children playing up front had stopped to look. The golden racket was within his grasp if he could just pull off one more win.
"At your leisure, Mr. Hoosyodad!" called out the irritated ref.
"ALRIGHT! ITS NOT MY FAULT THIS WRITTER IS BEING SO FUCKING DESCRIPTIVE" Replied the equally irritated Nayr.

Editors note:
I want to go further with this, however not now. So i guess this is just part one.

Excerpts from Merlon's Journal in the Village of Shouldice- Ryan BB shenanigans

Fourth day of Aprile,One Thousand One Hundred and Nine.

Woe be my tormented soul, for my life now is devoid of even simple pleasures. My talks with the local Alchemist (Alchi be his name) have become curt and without merriment upon late. It seems the deal with the crab people has applied to him as well, forcing him to sacrifice both his son, Jorst, and his younger daughter, Susan. In past times, Alchi always would laugh with childish delight upon seeing me remove my thumb from my hand, only to put it back seconds later. This morning when I did this, he simply put his head back into his hands and continued weeping. It seems my attempts to make this town happy are futile.

Alas, I have discovered ways in which to occupy my time while my town is dealing with present misfortunes. Months ago, I sent the local guard to search the southern hills of Coors for semi precious rocks (I have heard that some of these rocks hold mystical properties). Only recently did the guard return (some of them anyway) but more importantly carrying the rocks. Over the past few days my harem has helped place these rocks in my garden, creating pathways for which to view my rhododendrons and calla lilies. The sheer magnitude of my genius can be understood when viewing the garden from my tower, for when viewed, the rocks form the shape of my bust! Though these semi precious minerals are now put to good use, I hesitate to write that the original purpose of this minor expedition has been forgotten. I trust that you will keep this information secret.
I shall write soone,
Merlon

Below is a rough sketch of my rock bust;

Giant Milk Glass -- Brody the Doodler

Scabies Outbreak in Northern Alberta! - Brody the Writter

It's all happening! The outbreak has started and now we're all going to die. It has been foolishly suggested that most people with scabies scratch themselves to death, but this is absolute, absurd, ba-lony. "Scabbers" as they are more commonly known, scratch other people to death. The scabies parasite burrows into a hosts skin and attaches to the brain stem. It then takes control of the person and turns them into blood hungry monsters. Scabbers are easily spotted and should be vigorously avoided. Their eyes are pure blood red with dilated pupils and their fingers eventually fall off so they can grow large claws.

"Day Scabbers" are generally very feeble and pose little threat. If you encounter a Day Scabber you can use any small stick to shoo them away. They tend to be more of a pest then anything else. "Night Scabbers", however, are dangerously sneaky and they have very strong claw muscles. If they don't manage to scratch you to death it won't matter, because just one scratch and you'll become Scabber yourself (in 4-6 weeks).

An investigation into the outbreak traced it back to a single man, Franz Peppers. It's not known how he origanally caught the scabies parasite, but it is known that he frequently uses his towel to whip other men in public showers. Franz refused to be interviewed, but he did tell us it is a huge deal and someone has got to fix this before it's too late.

Thith ith a huge deal and thomeone hath got to fixeth thith before it'th too late, ahhh! (girlie scream)

Photo www.veryworrying.com

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull; pre and post production- By Ryan

Friday the 23rd - Brody the Writter

Today is friday. I am sitting here waiting for things to fall into place. I have clothes in the dryer and clothes in the wash, they need to hurry up and get clean. I have shit to do and they are taking their sweet ass time. I have a speeding ticket I need to pay that has recently expired. Maybe they will forget about me and I can just keep ignoring to pay it. Fucking money hungry cops. I also have to take my car to the tire shop so they can earn some money. Summer tires mean even more speeding tickets, ahhhh. If I was a speed cop I would arrest myself for being such a douche. Don't get me wrong I don't hate all police, I know some I happen to like quite a lot, but the ones who have to pull me over in order to have a conversation are clingy and annoying.
Let's see, what else. Well, first of all I don't know why I'm talking about myself as if this is an actual blog, but I've lost my fictional writing inspiration lately. So, what else should you know about my personal business... Let's see, I'm training to become the world's 2nd greatest squash player. I figure if I get good enough I can play the first greatest player, and then once he/she beats me I'll make up business cards saying I'm the "2nd greatest".
If you have never played squash you either don't know what it is, or assume it's a lame sport for old people who are too out of shape to play a real sport, like dodgeball. Well, you are fucking wrong, and dodgeball is a game for school children! Screw you for assuming that, why would you even force me to write such an absurd comment. Squash is a sport of kings and queens and all in betweens. Stop knocking it until you try it, you will be hooked.

here's a little inspiration for all you little giggly love bunnies:



That squash picture is from another page that happens to be quite interesting, go take a look and read about one of the greatest squash players since the invention of lulu lemon pants, Jahangir Khan

Ahhhh!

I thought i told you not to come here!

Check this out! -Ryan

Cool messed up art blog!


Free movies and shows!


Want to have a better life?
Go here!

Want to rot your brain?
Go here, here, or here!

Enjoy! but whatever you do, dont go here.

Kangaroo love story -Ryan the Writter

terrible is the mind that drives
into oncoming traffic, ruining lives
until, by fate, something, someone
brings my life some meaning, and maybe some fun

I created a visual for those who can't read
It should be obvious which cartoon you need
by looking at the clouds facial expressions they show,
the ideal place in life you need to go

Nature Walk and Geography Lessons - Brody the Observer

It's that time of year. Spring, when the flowers are blooming, the ice is melting, deer are humping each other and chewing up peoples gardens, city folk are rushing out into the wilderness to camp, bears are waking up and mauling the city folk, morgues are receiving a high inflow of dead campers.

There's nothing like it, and to enjoy this splendid fruitful bounty of awesome weather, I went for a hike by the river. It was a time of rejoice and renewed optimism for life, which can only last for so long. During my hike I saw many interesting things. I saw things like trees and moss:



I also saw rocks, lots of rocks. Here are some that were stack into an inukshuk:



One of the most amazing things I found, was a rock that was shaped disturbingly similar to the United States. I was a little hesitant to take the rock, because of a deep fear I might be forced to pay financially crippling tariffs, but fortunately no government authorities have tried contacting me yet. Here is the rock, let me know if you agree or disagree that it resembles the U.S.




I labeled the U.S. states to better help represent the similarity:




Striking isn't it?

Here's one more photo showing the U.S. in relation to Canada to help give the photo some sense of scale: