The Matthew Effect -- Brody the Writter

Ok, so if Jon thinks he's the only one that can post random facts to beat off too, then I got a fucking surprise for him, and the rest of your ugly faces. It's time to put a giant rubber band on your heads to keep your brain from exploding and messing up your computers. Tuck a napkin in your shirt to catch the drool you disgusting slops and get your hands out of your pants and on your keyboard to be ready to respond you sick minded fucks.

Ok so I was laying in bed last night daydreaming about naked girls, and then I started looking at pictures of naked girls, after which I realized I don't have time for that bullshit so I started reading Malcolm Gladwells book called "Outliers". Chapter one was interesting, but if your curious go read it yourfuckingself.

Chapter two was yet way more interesting as it pertained to something called the Matthew Effect. There is a very interesting pattern in professional sports, academia, and other things I can't think to list. It occurs when our society tries to separate kids into higher and lower ability groups from a young age. The pattern was first noticed in sports when some dudes wife started looking at birthdays of kids in a Junior A hockey championship game. What she noticed was the highest majority of players were born in the months of January, February, and March. It wasn't just a small majority, it was a 5:1 ratio I think.

Let me show this with an example and hopefully it works to prove my point. Looking at the starting line on the calgary flames we can examine their birthdays:

Todd Bertuzzi #7 ===== 02 Feb '75
Jarome Iginla #12 ===== 01 Jul '77
Mike Cammalleri #13 ===== 08 Jun '82
Rene Bourque #17 ===== 10 Dec '81
Daymond Langkow #22 ===== 27 Sep '76
Curtis Glencross #20 ===== 28 Dec '82
Craig Conroy #24 ===== 04 Sep '71
David Moss #25 ===== 28 Dec '81


Ok I'm going to stop now cause I can see what is happening here. The dude who came up with the matthew effect was smoking crack. His argument was that if cutoffs for making the top class peewee super awsome hockey league were on January 1st, as they are in Canada, then the closer your birthday was to the cutoff date the higher your odds of making the team. If you make the top team as a kid you receive more practice time, better coaching and play with tougher players, therefore becoming a better hockey player down the road, not because you deserved it, but because you were falsely classified as a better player when you were a wee little squirt. This is because at a young age, the extra months of maturity you would have over kids born later in the year would give you a slight edge, and therefore coaches were more likely select you for special teams.

My theory is different. According to the starting line of the Calgary Flames and assuming it applies to all hockey teams and major sports and everything else, is this:

-- If you are born in the months of September or December, like 50% of the high profile players on my list, then you are 100% more likely to be 50% more awesome then everyone else. Looking even deeper into the theory you would discover that I am born in September and the other Brodie is born In Decemeber, therefore we can make a jump in the theory to come to our final conclusion, and its official:

---- If your name starts with "Brod" and ends with either "y" or "ie", then you are 100% more likely to be 50% more awesome then everyone else.

FACT.

Also not to make people born in the early months feel more horrible, but Shannon pointed out another astonishing fact:

-- There is a 73% chance of dying in the months of January, February, and March.